Hologram

[walkingballpit]

[ The hologram is rather funny looking, walking in place through an unseen crowd, occasionally making weird arm motions that are either steering people out of his way or a terrible interpretive dance. ]

Okay. Nobody panic. There may or may not be a cat wandering the space station. Or. You know. Crawling around in the ducts. I'm not sure if he's in them yet.

For those that aren't from Earth, a cat is a small, nonverbal ball of orange fur with four legs. This answers to Niels.

[ He stops walking momentarily, but then shrugs and resumes the pace. ]

Okay, he doesn't answer to Niels, but he'll glance at you for a good four seconds before he goes back to doing what he wants.

If you see him, please, please don't spook him. Just call me. He's not a normal housecat - trust me we do not want him freaking out in a confined space. You should see what he does to his carriers.

[ It has, at least, occurred to him that everyone from an Earth is going to think this is a joke or perhaps that he's crazy. He might as well go for broke, right? ]

Um. Better let me know if you see any. Unusual. Light shows. And don't use any high-speed bouncing blurs of orange for target practice. You'll only make him harder to catch.

Comments

[alwaysadrift]

[Given the sheer volume of cat videos that exist on Earth, Drift can only guess humanity had some strange neo-religion based on the animals. Judging by the way Niels seems to be the dominate one in this relationship, that only supports Drift's theory. Well, he's not one to question the apotheosis of a neo-feline religion so...]

What offerings do you usually provide in order to appease him?

[There must divine kitten treats in the marketplace somewhere.]

[rodders]

There's a song that goes with the offering. Something like Mao? I think it's Mao.

( Yes. It's absolutely Mao. )

[alwaysadrift]

Mao-mao-something?

[Sing it with him Rodimus, this sounds familiar.]

[rodders]

Yeah! ( The tune Rodimus sings is not the Meow Mix jingle, however, but something more akin to The Imperial March. ) Mao-mao-mao-mao--

Is that all there is to it?

[alwaysadrift]

[What the hecky that sounds like kitten dubstep. But it's not like Drift knows any better.]

No I think there're more, it just changes in octave?

Mao-mao-^mao-^mao-_mao-_mao-mao--

[Drift, NO.]

[rodders]

Oh oh right!

Mao-mao-_{mao-mao-mao-mao-mao}

( Do they know what they're doing? Nope. )

[alwaysadrift]

[Someone stop them before this gets out of hand.]

..._{mao-mao-MAO-mao}-mao-mao...

Do cats even sound like this?

[Or are we just murdering their native language?]

[rodders]

Yeah? Why wouldn't they?

( Hm. Maybe it was a different sound? Rodimus runs through a few of them - something sounds like a mix between a bark and a cough, then into a terrible impression of a cow. )

It's totally 'mao'.

I'M LAUGHING bc I picked a matching icon and didn't even realize it

[alwaysadrift]

You're right. It's definitely not the last one.

[Not an attractive noise Rodimus, you might not want to do that again.]

So you wanna wander around the station with me, calling him? Between the two of us, he's sure to hear us.

[BEST PLAN right?]

[rodders]

Marketplace first?

( What could possibly go wrong with two giant robots wandering around making cat sounds? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. )

[alwaysadrift]

Sure! We need the offering anyway right? Fish is best, apparently.

[And stinking the place up with the alien seafood delicacies they're carrying around. BEST PLAN.]

[rodders]

See you in five?

( They've got this, there is nothing that could go wrong with this EXCELLENT plan they have. )

[alwaysadrift]

[They've totally got this. There's no way they'll take fuzzy speeding angry fur to the face. Nope.

And he'll make it in four.]

I'll be waiting.

[Cuz you slow. Just sayin~!]

[rodders]

( No way in heck. And Rodimus is there in five and can't help but inwardly groan when he sees Drift really did beat him there. )

What did you do, suddenly learn how to fly?

action now ofc

[alwaysadrift]

[he-hee!] Wouldn't that be a trick? [IF ONLY WE COULD FLY.] I took a shortcut.

[Old habits die hard, especially the ones born from the gutters. Know your territory: alternate routes, exits, hiding places, improvisational weapons. He doesn't even do it intentional, it's just stuff he notices.]

[walkingballpit]

[ Luckily, someone does not have telepathy amongst his powers and can't hear how he's being thought of. ]

Offerings? You mean like cat food? Well, he hates Meow Mix, I know that. Anything fish, he'll stuff his whole head in the bowl if it's fish. Those little freeze-dried chicken treats.

[ Try finding that on a space station though. ]

I've been giving him whatever meat I'm eating to try. Cats are carnivores.

[alwaysadrift]

[Lucky indeed, but from an external perspective who really is the owner in that relationship? You sound pretty whipped, Robbie.]

So food is what he prefers? Hmm, I think I've seen 'fish' in the marketplace? [Probably best to verify though. Both its existence and his definition of 'fish'. Not that he'll ever understand the carnivore thing (slightly gross okay?) beyond 'it's an organic thing'.]

When and where did he last grace you with his presence?

[walkingballpit]

[ He's not whipped. He… cats are really good electric blankets, okay? And lap warmers. And Niels is pretty good at letting Robbie carry him around and pet him. ]

Yeah. He can't eat anything that's not food. And I've gotten fish at the market - I just don't question what kind of fish. It's all alien fish all the time down there.

[ Robbie quirks an eyebrow at the last question. It's all sarcasm all the time. ]

His lordship last "graced me with his presence" about an hour ago in my quarters.

[alwaysadrift]

[What's an electric blanket? That sounds...kinky. (especially with the petting an all)]

Defining 'not-food' is sort of another thing though. But fish is safe then, alien or otherwise?

[This he can work with.]

Only an hour ago? Maybe he had business to attend to and will be back soon...

It's good of you to worry though, this station is full of...perils masquerading as normalcy. [Please see the Brain of Nowhere. Also that guy in the marketplace with the thing that looks like a statue that's really just a well trained shoplifting deterrent. Drift is pretty sure that thing could eat small children if inclined.] Does Niels have any favorite haunts or hangouts?

[walkingballpit]

[Oh no not you too.]

Cats don't really... do business. He's probably marking his territory and preening.

... anything that you see a fleshy eating is should be safe, but that's not 100% true so please stick with fish. He's survived on the fish in the marketplace this long. I'm scared that both me and Niels are gonna die eating alien food.

[alwaysadrift]

Marking of territory sounds like business.

[The preening probably not, but then it was likely more essential for cat deities to keep up appearances than it was for normal folk.]

Gotcha. I suppose I can start near your quarters, unless there's somewhere else he likes to make appearances?

[walkingballpit]

I... guess...

[He's never thought of it as anything but annoying, having to clean up the walls and such.]

I don't know where else he likes to go This is the first time he's gotten out.

[alwaysadrift]

[Not that Drift knows why cats mark their territory, and might be vaguely appalled to find out. He just figures it's like expanding the sphere of influence or something.]

Hmm, well that gives me a place to start at least. I'll let you know if I find anything!

[walkingballpit]

[Oh, it's expanding the sphere of influence, all right.]

Thanks man.

[alwaysadrift]

[He's not a 'man' but he can roll with that anyway.]

Anytime.